Question 1

What is Monday Morning Clinic?

Accepted Answer

Monday Morning Clinic is a free satirical website that gives you a fictional medical diagnosis for your bad Monday. You describe your work symptoms through six short questions and it produces a mock clinical discharge note with an invented condition, a triage rating and three practical suggestions.

Question 2

Is Monday Morning Clinic real medical advice?

Accepted Answer

No. Monday Morning Clinic is satire and produces no medical advice, diagnosis or therapy of any kind. Every condition it names is invented for comic effect. It is not a substitute for care from a qualified human being, and it says so on every page.

Question 3

Does Monday Morning Clinic need an account, and what happens to what I type?

Accepted Answer

No account is required and no cookie identifies you. The free text in the last box IS kept: the words are stored with your severity rating and the calendar week, to study what makes a bad Monday, and that happens by default rather than on request. Nothing stored with them identifies anybody: no name, no address, no employer, no browser, no session, and no timestamp finer than the week. Anyone holding the link to their diagnosis can delete it. Your five multiple-choice answers work differently and are NOT kept: they are packed into the share link itself, so they travel to the server inside the URL the way any web address does and anyone holding the link can read them back, but no row is written for them unless you press a button at the foot of a diagnosis that adds them to a public audit. No row is written at all where the screen matched: a disclosure of crisis or harassment, and anything rated nine or ten, is never sent. Anonymous analytics run on the site and never see what you typed: page views, plus counts of how far people get through the form and whether they share the result. No cookie, no identifier, and nothing that says who anybody is. Your visit history is stored on your own device and nowhere else.

Question 4

How does the shareable diagnosis link work?

Accepted Answer

Your five multiple-choice answers are packed into the URL itself rather than saved in a database, so the link is the entire record. Anyone who opens it regenerates exactly the same diagnosis, and the link keeps working indefinitely because there is no stored data to expire.

Question 5

What does Monday Morning Clinic do if someone types something serious?

Accepted Answer

It stops the joke. The free-text box is screened in your browser for signs of genuine distress or of workplace harassment, and on a match the site breaks character, declines to hand back a comedy diagnosis until you acknowledge the notice, and points to findahelpline.com, which lists free confidential helplines in over 130 countries.

Question 6

How long does it take?

Accepted Answer

About ninety seconds. There are six questions, none of them require typing, and the free-text box at the end is optional.

The Sunday dread, properly diagnosed.

A discharge note for a condition nobody will treat.

Describe the symptoms

Receive a triage rating

Fill the prescription

Let’s find out what is actually wrong.

What brings you in today?